Through my rambling, drunk-like blah-blah, the closest thing I can give to advice in such matters is this: The Buddha taught that life is experiential. It is not caught up in the past. We find nothing in the sutras telling us to brood over whatever crappy thing happened yesterday. In fact, it can be argued that being too caught up in the past is a form of attachment, in which we become attached to something that isn't even there.
Easier said than done, I'm sure. "Just move on" isn't easy advice to give someone who's hurting. And am I able to follow this advice myself? Maybe, maybe not. Thich Nhat Hahn talks about the magic of the present moment, about mindfulness in the here and now. Is heartache a form of attachment to the past? And if so, how ready should we be to let it go?
I guess this is why monastics don't have these kinds of relationships. We can further explore this dynamic, though, in future posts. I see connections here with the difference in how Buddhists view guilt, for example. But the stories tell us about an old Zen Master who asked his young disciple, "Who are you?"
When the young monk started to answer, the Master said, "Wrong!" and then he slapped the young monk right across the face. "That is who you are!"
See, the slap is experiential, it's in the present moment, the here and now. When the monk opened his mouth to speak, he was getting ready to spew some philosophical blah-blah. What's the difference? Well, for one thing, you experience a slap across the face. You don't experience a philosophy. You can't feel a point of view or a mind-set. And the Buddha-Dharma is all about experiencing, because only our present experiences are in the here and now. Only what we're experiencing right now can be considered mindfulness.
So are you living an experiential life, or are you all wrapped up in theories, in attachments to the past?